ON THE SUNDAY AFTER CHRISTMAS we usually and appropriately celebrate the feast of the Holy Family. We could say, in a way, that it is a rather modern family, as there was only one child. And that child was a son.
We might be inclined to think that, with people like Jesus and Mary, this family had no problems, that it was a family full of peace and tranquillity. Yet, as a family living in a small, semi-rural village, it is unlikely that life was very different from that of its neighbours - there were good and bad times, ups and downs, all mixed together.
Special experiences
But this Family had some particular experiences of its own. When the Son was born, his parents had to be away from home and could not find a place to lodge. Their child was born in an uncomfortable stable and had an animals' feeding box for a bed. (From the very beginning, Jesus did not have a place to lay his head.) Then, a little later, because King Herod wanted to kill their child, the parents had to flee into Egypt and become homeless refugees.
Now, in today's Gospel, Jesus is lost. Only parents who have had a child go missing in a big and strange city can really appreciate the agony the parents of this only child must have experienced. And it was three whole days before they eventually found him again. For parents in such a situation that must have seemed like eternity. There was no effective policing, no phones, no social welfare agencies to help. Jerusalem was full of strangers and, as usual on such occasions, there were undoubtedly people around who were up to no good.
Happiness and grief
Later, of course, the mother will see her Son become very famous. Thousands of people will go looking for him, listen to his teaching and experience his healing powers. At that time his mother must have been happy and proud. Her son was a real success.
But not for long. He had many enemies who were jealous of his popularity at their expense. They said his teachings were false. They said he was not a good Rabbi because he mixed with sinners and even ate with them. They hated him and finally they found a way to destroy him.
A family which understands
Obviously, this Family in some respects is very special but, in other respects, it can well understand the difficulties that other families experience. The Holy Family was not spared pain and tragedy. So today let us ask Jesus, Mary and Joseph to bless our families. If we have difficulties let us ask them to help us overcome and solve them and, if necessary, live with them.
In our society today family life is in serious trouble. There are husband and wife problems. Children have problems arising from the increasing pressures of contemporary urban life. There are parent-child problems arising from both parents having to work or because of rifts between parents, sometimes leading to marriage breakdowns and divorce. There are single-parent problems. There are education problems in an increasingly competitive school environment.
And when children grow up in a dysfunctional family where relationships are poor between husband and wife and between parents and children, how will the children themselves set up a good family when they have never known what a good family is?
Clearly it is not a problem that families alone can solve. Which is why the Church, through its Christian communities, has an important role. It can do much to help couples foster and develop good family life. We all need to support and help each other in this area. We have all attended weddings of family members and friends. Our attendance is meant to symbolise that the newly married couple can count on our support in the course of their marriage. Yet, so often couples are left to fend all on their own with no one to turn to for help until things have gone too far. There can be hardly anything more desolate than to be lonely in a dying or dead marriage.
A matter of attitude
It all boils down to relationships and attitudes. There is a need for deep mutual respect at all levels: between husband and wife; between parents and children - in both directions.
Today's Second Reading reminds us of the centrality of love. In addition to our own family, we also belong to God's: we are all brothers and sisters to each other because of our common Father. There is then an obligation for all of us to care for each other. Married couples and parents should not be left on their own. It is not a question of interfering but a matter of being available with care and compassion when help is clearly needed (even if not asked for).
The Second Reading today says that the heart of our relationship with God is
a. in our total commitment to Jesus Christ and his Way, and
b. in our love for each other.
These things are precious and irreplaceable. They cannot be substituted in any way by money or ambition or high status or expensive education. What the rich and famous are often famous for is the poverty of their relationships and the misery of their married and family lives.
Jesus in the Temple
In today's Gospel Jesus leaves his parents and goes to the Temple. We saw already how upset they were about this and, when they found him, the mother asked her Son: "My child, why have you done this to us? See how worried your father and I have been, looking for you." The boy, the Son makes no apology. "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be busy with my Father's affairs?" And they did not understand what he was talking about. But Jesus has his mission, his vocation, which is to do the work of his Father.
We have to see this incident in the context of the earlier story where Jesus, as the first-born son, was presented to God in the Temple. In that action, the parents dedicated their child to the service of God. Similarly, in the First Reading, Hannah the mother of Samuel offers her child to God in the Temple. She had been childless for a long time and, through the intercession of the prophet Eli, had become pregnant. She now gives her child back to God and he becomes a leading prophet in Israel.
In every family it is like that. Our children are not our possessions. They are not to be seen as mere extensions of the parents and the means by which parental ambitions are to be met. They are given to us in trust, to be prepared for service in God's kingdom. They are to be offered to God for the building up his Kingdom, a society of love, justice and peace on earth. Within that general calling, each child has his or her vocation. Every child is called on to use talents for the service of God and of society.
Not an end in itself
The family is not an end in itself. It is an integral part of a larger society and has a role to play in the building up of that society. So every child is called by God to use his/her gifts for others. Parents should not manipulate too much. Parents can easily project their dreams on to their children: they push them to positions of money and status which they themselves could not reach (and which their children often cannot reach and may not want to reach).
Sometimes the child's choice and God's choice is not that of the parents. The father of Rudolf Nureyev was disgusted when his son decided to become a professional dancer. As an official in the Communist Party he thought that there was no future in what he saw as a cissified and degenerate way of life. He never lived to see his son become one of the most famous and creative ballet dancers of the century.
No ideal family
There is, of course, no ideal family. Every family has its successes and failures. In the end, we all need the help of God and of the Holy Family. We also need the help and support of relatives, friends, our Christian community and our society.
We also have the responsibility to help the families of others, to do for them what we would like them to do for us. It can happen that we will go to great lengths to help another family member but would never think of helping those not of our family, even if living next door. We need to remember what Jesus said about who is our neighbour.
In the end we hope and pray that we can all work together, as families and as individuals, to help build a happy, a just, a peaceful and united society through happy and united families.
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